the printed thoughts of a woman on a journey towards awareness, truth, acceptance, clarity, and forgiveness...with some fun and fearlessness thrown in

Sunday, January 31, 2010

catching up

It's been over two weeks since I've sat with the keyboard to write, and it feels like ages. I've wanted to sit down and write several times, but just didn't have the time or the energy. I've thought about it as I lay down to go to sleep. I've wanted to put down my work and do it. I have felt a pull to write much like an addict has to use. I have no idea now how I survived all of those years without writing. I used to say that I was a writer with a severe, several years-long case of writer's block. I have always thought of myself as a writer, but I feared that after so long away from it, I had lost my ability to write. I'm still waiting for the stories to return, for the characters to inspire me, for their voices to fill my ears and to direct my hands, for the places to grow inside my mind's eye until they are almost tangible to me. I am still waiting for that to happen, but I'm not stressing over it. I believe that it will. So, until then, I will continue to write about what I am doing, thinking, and feeling.

The last couple of weeks have been so busy and so emotional! My workload has picked up this month, so I've been a bit more behind than usual. I don't know why, but I get stressed out whenever I accrue even the slightest bit of a "to do" list. I like to complete tasks and put them away. I don't like to have things waiting, with unanswered questions and lingering actions. Because I work as a part of a team, what I can do is often determined by what others get done. At the present time, the two PO's that I work with have a growing list of clients whose probation may be violated, so all I can do is wait for the go ahead. I will also soon be covering for my supervisor while she is out on a maternity leave. This means that my work from home days will now be devoted to working in another office, with another team of PO's and therapists, learning new probationers names and offenses, and connecting with new victims, complete with a hour plus commute each way.

I'm really feeling the need to whittle down my outstanding workload, because I'll be leaving this Friday for a 4 day trip to New Orleans. That's right! I will be in my hometown, the greatest city on Earth, during this historic weekend. My favorite team of all time, the New Orleans Saints (Who Dat!) won the NFC Championship game last Sunday night. A field goal kick in overtime literally saved me from what I am sure would have been a fatal heart attack and carried the Saints into their first ever Super Bowl. I spent the next couple of days in a haze, waiting to find out that it had all been a hoax, feeling hungover and out of touch with reality, but soon snapped out of it. By Wednesday night I had booked our flight, reserved the dogs' space at the kennel, and confirmed the petsitter for the cats. We will get to experience a little bit of Mardi Gras, taking in Alla, my childhood favorite parade, and we'll be there to breath in the atmosphere of the city at this most amazing time.

After Katrina, the people of New Orleans, those who still live there, those who left after the storm, and those who have been away for years, need something positive. The Saints have been a source of hope and renewal for all of us. They have embodied the spirit of the region and they have provided respite from the reality of destruction and loss. Like the city, rebuilding after the hurricane, the Saints have become a true Cinderella story, the beloved underdog, David facing off against Goliath. And, I (as always) want to be in that number when the Saints come marching in!!!


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