Po-boys, crawfish, Cajuns, rivers, plantations, strawberries, catfish, Zydeco, the Saints, my sister, Bert, Lexi, Lucy, satsumas, King cake, Doberge, alligators, sugar cane, old friends, new friends, closer friends, bridges, kudzu, Mardi Gras, City Park, Camellia Grill, gumbo, magnolias, snowballs, streetcars, Mr. Bingle, the Moonwalk, St. Louis Cathedral, Jackson Square, Lee Circle, the Audubon Zoo, the neutral ground, beads tangled in tree limbs, pine needles, oyster dressing, Oktoberfest, shrimp, shrimp, and extra shrimp, levees, lagniappe, beignets, cafe au lait, Acadians, Lake Pontchartrain, the Causeway, Abita, bonfires, festivals, Zulu coconuts, Voodoo, Spanish moss, live oaks, bayous, outdoor kitchens, pecans, big copper kettles, Blue Dog, Brees, St. Charles Avenue, parading zombies, ghosts, hot air balloons, horses, returning to roots, new beginnings.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
There have been a few searches of people with whom my bridges had not yet been burned. I have found some former friends and co-workers and reached out to them. I am Facebook friends with my first serious boyfriend, as well as with one of my last. I'm not all the bad to all that many people. Some searches turn out good, some turn up nothing, and some do not have happy endings.
But, now I'm sad that I never got a chance to tell her what I wish I had. I would have said, "Thank you" for all the times she filled in as a mother to me, including me in family Christmases and Thanksgivings. I would have told her that I was sorry if what had happened between me and Rachel hurt her in any way. I would have said that she was right, that I should have heeded her advice, and that I did all that I could to keep our friendship in tact, but that I couldn't take the way that Rachel treated me towards the end. I would tell her that I'm happy today. That I married the man that Rachel got jealous over, said mean things about, and never liked, simply because he liked me. That she was a good mom. That she wasn't to blame for Rachel's behaviors as an adult. That it had nothing to do with her divorce from Rachel's father, or the fact that Rachel was adopted. These were all beliefs that I knew Rachel harbored and held over her mother's head. Her mother had been a victim of Rachel's meanness before I had. Maybe that was why she had warned me.
I guess I'm done cyberstalking today. Finding an obituary usually does that to me. It feels so final, at least as far as the searching goes. It reminds me that if I ever do decide that I want to contact Rachel, my time to do so could always be cut short. I still don't think that I'm ready to open that can of worms, but I will probably keep peeking around the corner at it.
Monday, November 7, 2011
|NOT my birthday cake!|
They may not come packaged in the way that I once expected, but they will still be the gifts that I most need. Even if I don't find the job of my dreams right away, I will find something that teaches me and helps me to develop new skills. Or I will have the opportunity to work for myself. Even if I can't afford school right away, I will research grants and loans and take advantage of the extra time to put money away in savings. Even if we can't afford the dream home, we can still find a great home where we can make our dreams manifest through our own hard work and at our own pace. And, even if I don't make new friends right away, I will still be within driving distance of my sister and many of my dearest friends for the first time. I can't wait to be able to see these friends more regularly.